M.M. i never remember what i say either. there was no preach though! i find the letters i write to my friends to be more natural than the inscriptions in my notebook. there's something about sharing thoughts with someone else that yes, does make things more inspiring.

i don't know why i'm always desiring communication with people. i often times curse this god damn internet because of what i feel it's doing to communication. i got in a debate with someone about this, they said that the internet is as close to telepathy/teleportation as we can get. i said i miss phone calls, letters, arranging times to meet someone, pay phones. they wondered why i romanticized these things, and said that there's a lot of progress in communication.

i love that we can throw this facebook message back and forth to one another in a matter of hours, and i loved that my extended family skyped my pregnant cousin in Texas, this is all amazing.

but i feel lonely from this instantaneous internet. i don't know why, here i am conversing with you and another distant friend through a chat, and maybe it's because online avatars are too abstract for me, oh i don't know. i just miss physical images, physical words, physical presence.

the internet feels like a huge tool for endless day dreaming. i must scootch away from it and step outside in the frigid cold of the rest of December.

but back real quick to that debate with my friend, who said i romanticize things, the internet lover, well, i pulled out a package i was working on, and handed it to them and said, "would you rather receive this from a friend, or another facebook notification on your wall?" and they got this mesmerized look on their face and stopped talking for a minute as they sifted through the envelope.

Teaadora Nikolova: My friend, do not feel lonely. We are all on this planet earth together. You created a great connection with your words trust me. Connections are the beginning of giving and sharing love. Your message was so beautiful, romantic or not. The internet and cell phone texting take the human voice and personal handwriting out of the equation. These vibrations picked up and created in image and sound are like acoustic and tribal instruments which have for centuries have wrung the human heart. It is digital text and sounds that rob man of his god-given right of natural vibrations, one can easily notice an emptiness in its presence. Skype and Fring brings the viewer so close to reality but there still remains digital transference and processing.

I just talked to my crying brother on the phone though, it was very real, if it was Skype it would if been clearer. I would of saw his red face, his defeated eyes, and heard tone like a child's who had been told data real. He had only communicated with our father through letters, but very rarely, sometimes through phone, which was less rare but really only happened three times a year. He went and met our father after not actually meeting for so long, at a low security prison in Billerica Massachusetts. He realized how old our father, he realized there will be no communication soon. He was an alcoholic his whole life. Death, the most impenetrable human connection.